Thursday, January 19, 2006

Goodbye, for now....

Man, I can't believe it has been two weeks since the last post. To me, the time that has passed went by in the blink of an eye. Yet, it seems like I took those pictures, in the last post, so long ago. Now I am back home, sitting in front of my computer trying to think of how to put into words what happened these last two weeks.

My Grandmother, Angie, left this Earth on Sunday, January 8th. She was 91. She lived a long, good life. She was a strong woman and sharp as a tack up until the last days. She said goodbye on her terms and, it seemed, in as little pain as possible. And, I am thankful for all of that. Prayers were answered. It still sucks though.....

As I sit here with my fingertips on the keyboard, I struggle with what I should write about; how much should I divulge? It was such a private, intimate experience and I think that I shouldn't be plastering this on the Web for all to see. At the same time, I want to share every help process it all. This was my first direct experience with the death of a loved one.

I am fortunate in that I got to say goodbye to her and she got to say goodbye to me. I thanked her for being in my life, for all that she did for me. She said it had been a long journey and that she was onto the next. She told me that we would meet again in heaven. I can't begin tell you what that meant to me. It was a double-edged sword....very hard to hear and comforting at the same time.

I had the honor of doing a scripture reading at her funeral and joining my cousins as a pallbearer of her casket. We had a luncheon at the Church she attended after the service. My uncle shared some memories of her and then invited others to come up and say something. I eventually stood up and took a turn at the microphone. One of the things I said was that 'she was a classy lady and, to me, she was royal as any Queen' and I meant it with all of my heart.

She loved to laugh. She loved to beat the pants off of you in Scrabble. She spoke her mind. She was confident. She was independent. She loved her family and her family loved her. A favorite quote of mine is from the musical 'Les Miserables,' "To love another person is to see the face of God." I think, through my Grandmother, that was possible. Goodbye Grandma.......for now. I'll miss you. Until next time........

Thursday, January 05, 2006

A Trip I Don't Want to Take

It has been a whirlwind of a day for me. I woke up in California this morning not knowing that I would be on a plane to Minnesota later in the afternoon. Now I am writing this from a hotel room in Minneapolis at 1 AM. I am here to see my Grandma. It's not that I don't want to come here to see her; I just wish it were under better circumstances.

I don't want to go into too much detail, but she is not doing well. I have known this for a little over a week now, but things took a turn over that last couple of days. I don't know what is going to happen. If you are reading this, I just ask that you pray for a safe journey for me. Pray that I can be there for my family, whatever that may be. Pray that I am not numb to what I am experiencing, that my heart is open to what is going on around me, and that I can express what I am feeling. Pray for my family. But, most of all, pray for my Grandma, that God will do what is best for her, that she is happy and comfortable.