Sunday, June 18, 2006

Saying Goodbye (Walk on.....)

And I know it aches And your heart, it breaks You can only take so much......walk on....
- U2's WALK ON

That lyric pretty much sums up how I have been feeling this week. The time has come to say goodbye to the people in our lives here in Southern California as we prepare to make the move to Minnesota and leave family members, friends, and co-workers behind. It all started last week when our friends at our church (Canyon Hills Church) threw us a going away party last Saturday. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Would it be sad? Was it going to be hard? It actually turned out to be the perfect day. We hung out, watched our children play, ate, played volleyball, and had some good conversations with about 100 of our friends at CHC. It was really great. We left that afternoon and I thought to myself 'well, that wasn't so bad.' The next day we had a small birthday party for my son at our community pool since we wouldn't be here for his actual birthday next month. It was a blast. I enjoy getting into the pool and letting the kids beat up on me and then throwing them all over the pool. That night, I played poker with some guys I have had the pleasure of getting to know this last year. [For the record, I have no poker face and it was my goal to play as conservatively as possible to make the funds last as long as possible (along with some friendly 'donations' of my fellow players).] Overall, it was a very good weekend. One that I won't soon forget.

Then Monday morning hit. I was listening to my iPod on the way to pick up my friend Mike (one of my best friends that also happens to work with me) on my way to work. I started reflecting on the past weekend and thinking about how it would be my last week at work. Certain songs came on and these feelings started welling up and taking control of me. I realized 'this is it.' This would be the last week that I would get to spend with the people in my life on a regular basis. I lost it. Images of everyone and past experiences flashed in my mind. Yep, this one is gonna hurt......

The pastor at my church has done an object lesson a couple of times that demonstrates the idea of community and investing in each other's lives. He'll take two balls of PlayDoh, each a different color, and put one in each hand. He explain how each represents a different person. He'll then take each one and start smushing them together, rolling them from hand to hand as these two people get to know each other, spend time togther, and make impressions on each other's life. After a while you can't tell where on color begins and the other ends and it is now one ball. They are intertwined....inseparable. To take them apart is not easy. You can't separate one from the other. When you do, parts of one color are stuck with the other and there is no longer clear distinction of the individuals.

Trying to separate ourselves from everyone this week has been a painful process, but one that is needed. As I have told others, I wanted to mourn the 'loss' of my family, friends, and co-workers. (You know what, I don't know why I keep separating co-workers from friends...they are the one and the same to me.) Most of them I am not losing....they will still be there. We can come back and visit or vice-versa. But, I have to face the fact that I might not see some of these people ever again. That bums me out. Also, I will deeply miss the presence of these folks in our daily lives.

And now the process is almost done. We have almost said all of our goodbyes, with the hardest remaining tomorrow as we say goodbye to our parents. I could write four more pages on this whole thing, but I think I'll spare you further depression because we have to finish packing. As we head out on the road, know that all of you will linger in our thoughts, provoking one more tearful moment, burst of laughter, or fond memory.

Moments I will not forget from this past week:
  • An awesome BBQ/Party from CHC
  • Final dinners with our closest friends
  • Good healthy cries
  • BLOG
  • Great laughs
  • Final carpools
  • My boss reciting 'You betcha' numerous times
  • Being sung to by a friend
  • My going away lunch at work
  • Having fun with my kids and their friends at the pool
  • Tearful goodbyes
A heartfelt thank you to everyone for making the Cloyds feel loved, cared-for, and special. I will never forget it.


talksmart said...

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James said...

Rock on, dude. Safe travels North and keep in touch. Just a mere 3 months until the Locke/Eko/Desmond conundrum is answered.

Doah said...

Tony, I was honored to be a part of this past week with you. As I drove away from your house this morning, I had another burst of tears. You are taking a piece of me with you and it hurts. At the same time, I am happy for you and pray that the best years of your life await you in Minnesota. Cheers, Doah

Anonymous said...


Welcome to MN!! Hopefully we'll get to see you and your family on the 3rd?!

I enjoyed reading your postings.